Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Rancho Margarita

Today I made 24 dollars.

I could've made 25 dollars sitting on a comfortable chair helping a child read and write.

I expected better from myself. I'm pissed off.

"Success is not something you pursue. It's something you attract by the person you become."

I feel the beginning of a metamorphosis.

I'm like a caterpillar.

Caterpillars have imaginable discs, and these discs have everything that is needed to become a butterfly. Caterpillars crawl on the ground for some time before finding a place, like a twig or something, to make a cocoon for itself. Inside the cocoon, the imaginable disc eats everything that used to be the caterpillar. Every last drop. It chills for a while, then, when it's ready, a butterfly spreads its wings and flies.

Life wrecked me today, but I'm sort of glad it did. Children these days are coddled to the point where they never feel cheated by life. They feel entitled because everything is given to them. But eventually, life wins, and we've got to learn how to deal with it.

In the jungle, a lion wakes up and runs to conquer. A gazelle runs to escape the lion and survive.

There are those in the human world who wake up and work to grow. Then there are those who work not because they want to, but because they need to.

When giraffes are born, the baby giraffe is repeatedly knocked down by its mother. It is taught from an early age that in order to survive, it must get up after being knocked down.

The caterpillar in me needs to stop crawling on the ground. It needs to find a place to grow. My attitude and work ethic get tested on a daily basis.

I can't think about the opinion's of other people. That's a follower's mentality. A leader does not care about the opinions of its subordinates.

Like the caterpillar, I need to be able to digest myself. Unbecome me. Pound out my character flaws. I need to change my attitude, my mentality. It's the internal reality that creates my external reality.

Like the caterpillar, I need to use my past experiences to drive me.

I think of my father smiling at me with a chipped tooth. His hair is white, his skin is wrinkled, he's had a hard life yet he's happy that I am in his life. This younger version of himself. Sometimes, at night, maybe 3AM, 4AM, I wake up to use the restroom. I see my dad hunched on his laptop, typing something, working hard at his old age. It tears me up inside, and it's hard to suppress external tears.

I see my mom, her frail weak body that's survived through four children, two cancers, several pancreatic stones, and probably a whole bunch of stuff I don't even know about. She's close-minded, but she tried very hard to do the best she could for my sisters and me. How can I be so selfish and not even try?

I made so little money today, but it's a process. Do I have patience for the process? Every day, I tell myself a hundred times to quit. I can play basketball, I can hang out with my friends, I can do all the thing I love to do.

But if I want to go fast, I can't hang out with people who go slow.

We go to Rancho Margarita and I pitched several people and get some 'no's.' I see an elderly lady in a wheelchair and I skip her. One minute later, I see Spenser getting his first drop. It negs me out. I get nothing all day until lunch when I finally get a drop at Jack in the Box. I could've gotten one more but Spenser came in and interrupted my pitch. I messed up.

All day, I get nothing. A young girl going into Target is very nice and I get a drop. I stay at the lot for a bit, nothing.

I'm in the sun a lot, and I feel the sweat drying from underneath my suit. It's not a pleasant feeling. My lips are cracking from the dryness and my throat is sore from dehydration.

Outside a Walmart, I miss two drops. I got an agreement from two girls who said that they were going to get change inside, but they never showed. A lady in a car tells me she'll send her boyfriend over, but he never shows. The buying impulse is short.

We enter a nail salon, and they are filled with moms and preteen daughters getting their nails done together. It's a completely different world those people live in. I forget my demo and see Spenser make a sale.

The next salon, I give it a try, and I get a drop. Spenser watches me the entire time and I don't know if he helps or doesn't. I seem to get a higher percentage of drops when he watches me even though my pitches are way worse.

End of the day, I realize that my belt broke. I sign some forms at the office, while I talk to two new guys. Dominique seems uncomfortable, while Jackson is feeling pretty hot about himself.

Jared gives me 24 dollars, heartless. End of the day.

On my drive home, Lu texts me "Augustin doe." I don't even care about fantasy basketball anymore.

At home, I try to play PAD. It's also losing its appeal. It's like nothing else matters anymore except making money.

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