Bakersfield

Today, I made 44 dollars.

No tie, no top button. Running shoes.

My father wakes up early and I see him in the kitchen. I ask him what he's doing. He's preparing me breakfast, he says. I tell him not to. Harsher than I intended. I'm getting meaner and meaner to my parents. I hate myself.

Morning seminar doesn't affect me. Jackson breaks down the costs of living and how difficult it is to live with a $25/hour 40-hours-a-week 50-weeks-a-year 40-year career. It's supposed to be inspire us to try to make six figures. I disagree.

We go to Bakersfield. It's closer than I thought. Maybe because I dread talking to strangers.

I'm being tested in one of my greatest weaknesses: social skills.

I get a couple 'no's, but I get a lucky drop. As I walk up to a 7/11, this tall black guy approaches me and asks me if I'm being paid on commission. I say "yes" in hopes of gaining sympathy. "How much?" he asks me, referring to the bag. I tell him 20 bucks. He takes out his wallet and I tell him that it's 22 with tax. Doesn't matter to him. He shoves it in my hand without looking at me or the bag. Then he points at Spenser and starts cursing him. He's upset at Spenser for being an annoying salesman trying to sell him stuff. So he gives me money to spite him. I don't mind. As he walks away, his friend asks him "what is that?" and he replies "I don't know. make-up or something"

We go to one small office space, and luck of the draw, Spenser drops the Manager's special- which is basically everything on the one door I don't enter.

My next drop is at the gas station. A woman is sitting in the passenger's seat of the car and I get her.

My next drop is at the KMart parking lot. I half-heartedly approach a guy who seems too interested in what I'm selling. I do my pitch, and we have a conversation. I drop a set but give him a two-dollar discount. He tells me some personal stuff, and instead of capitalizing on that, I just try to sell him the Manager's Special, which is basically everything. I get his number, and he says he'll return in an hour. He told me to call if he doesn't, he promises to pick up if I call.

One hour later, I call twice, no pick up. No show. Buying impulse lost. I lost.

I realize now that I haven't been giving every single person 100%.

At the smoke shop, I get a guy to stack it high til he buys, but customers enter and he loses impulse.

Outside, I talk to a guy who begrudgingly buys one for his wife. There was some awkward silence as the husband asked his wife "Do you want it?" She said, "Do what you want to do" to which he replied, "So do you want me to buy it for you?" She said "If you want." I don't know what to say, I don't want to interrupt their argument, but I get a lucky drop.

I don't even want to eat lunch. I feel like it's a waste of time. I just want to keep going out.

I eat too fast, and my stomach hurts. I feel lethargic as we enter the fourth quarter.

One of the first women I talk to in the parking lot buys. I give her a one dollar discount. There's so much foot traffic and nobody speaks English, I get intimidated and lose my attitude for a bit.

I decide to hide out in the corner, where I see a girl tending to several dogs. I approach her and I don't pitch. I tell her how cute the dogs are, and we have a conversation about the dogs. What they are, how she breeds them, how she plans to sell them, etc. After a bit, I pretend to remember why I'm there and I pitch her. She buys. Wow, I didn't know that conversation worked.

I could've dropped 3 Manager's Special today, but I only ended up dropping 6 sets. That's the difference between 127 dollars and 48 dollars.

On the way home, Spenser tells me that one of the new guys, Dominique, the weak one from yesterday, rang the bell. Spenser tells me I should ask him for advice.

We return to the office and we talk. Dominique tells me things I already know. I'm a competitive guy, and I'm a bit bitter. I want to know why he did better than me.

Andrew gives me some good advice. He tells me to be consistent with my pitch, and that I should know my pitch to a T. He tells me that it took his two weeks to figure it out.

When I talk to Jared at the end of the day, I don't know if I'll be granted two weeks. He seems disappointed. He tells me I need to work on my attitude and my work ethic. He tells me he'll give me an extra 10 bucks, but instead he takes an extra dollar away from me. I don't realize it until after I leave.

It's only when I come home that I realize I'm hungry. I can relax and be my lazy self. And even then, I don't feel comfortable being lazy.

Jason texts me and wants to smoke. I accept, but deep down, I dread it. I think of the sleep I'll lose, the alone time I'll lose, the after effects on me tomorrow, and I regret it. But Jason texts me to cancel, and I feel a sense of relief spread over me. Wasn't even me that canceled.